Thoughts on Walls vs Boundaries.

I will be the first to admit that I've always been a very walled off person- walls mean that I'm safe, they mean that I can protect myself from pain, walls mean that I don't have to look at things that hurt, I don't have to feel things that I don't want to feel. Walls are essentially self preservation to me. 

When I'm trying to understand something I look up definitions, synonyms, antonyms, etc. maybe it's the writer in me but it helps me understand confusing concepts so much better.

If I ever die no one needs to clear my search history- the only thing they'll find is google searches for things like "definition of wall" and everyone will probably be profoundly disappointed that I actually was just as boring as I'm always trying to convince people I am. Haha. 

So a wall skipping all the obvious definitions like "a side of a building or room", is "a thing perceived as a protective or restrictive barrier; to enclose as to lend protection or privacy; confine or imprison someone or something in a restricted place; something that acts as a defense." 

The definition of Boundary alternatively is, "a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line; something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent; setting the distance one allows others to approach; alternate definition- a boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible." 

So maybe.. a wall restricts not just me but them too, a wall is closed in, a wall I can't see through and neither can anyone else- a wall isolates. Walls confine, walls defend, walls mean that you have limited vision. 

Boundaries are usually used when referring to a property line... So maybe boundaries say, I take responsibility for my side of this, but I won't take responsibility for your side, boundaries allow you to see all the other people around you, they provide vision instead of brick and mortar in front of your face. A boundary leaves an opportunity to invite someone over the line if you choose, but if you don't choose to invite them over your line, you are still kept safe. A boundary doesn't say "You can't come near me, you can't see me, you can't approach me." a boundary says, "I'll set a limit to how close I allow you to approach me." 

I am not going to sit here and say that I'm ready to take all my walls down, my walls have kept me safe for a long time, and some of them have come down- but there are still a lot up... But, I can see that as I keep growing, I hopefully will start to outgrow those walls, I'll stop accepting restriction and confinement, and instead I'll want boundaries, where I can set a line that says "You can only come this close, and I'll own and take responsibility for everything on my side of this boundary line, but I refuse to take responsibility for yours." 

It's occurring to me now too that maybe the boundary isn't completely self serving the way that a wall is- a boundary not only protects me, but it protects the other person as well... A healthy boundary will help not only me to stay out of sin but will help someone else to not sin against me because I remove the opportunity to as much as possible. Also, it's not hard to step over a boundary line if I invite someone over, but it sure as hell is hard to scale a wall if I'm dying on the other side of it- so there's something to think about too. 

A close friend that I was expressing these thoughts to told me that something to keep in mind with boundaries is that a boundary is set to say “yes” to a priority. Boundaries are not set to keep people out. They are set to prioritize your goals of fruitfulness.

I’m still trying to figure that last part out, but I’m getting there.